Parental Guidance

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The death of a parent is particularly distressing and destabilising for a child. But then the care and attention of the surviving parent to lose can cause a harmful feeling of abandonment; a crack in the a young person the basics. Three Women have spoken to The Bbc about this experience.

'I feel like I don T have A Family '

"I absolutely hated him and I still feel a lot of That hatred now, think of the things she has said and done. We were only children, and we would only be our mom Lost and we really needed our father, and more considerate about how it was for us. "

Catherine was 13, when her mother died of cervical cancer. It was not long before her father found someone new.

Catherine remembers it was a Friday, died on her mother. She was about to adopt in the school That Day and to The Hospital Too Late to.

"It had quite a lot has happened, because The Machines were still, so we missed out on literally just," she says.

her father, little support in the lead-had shown up to the death of his wife, to the times of Catherine to leave and see her, while he hit out for weekend trips with Catherine, the Two Brothers .

she remembers The Day she was said to be his new partner would join the trip on their annual camping, a year after the death of her mother.

"I remember being excited and thinking "this will be great'. I had no sister, and she had a daughter the same age as me. "

But wanted to do her stepmum's not That their daughters something with her.

tears followed. Her father did not mind, she says. Far from That , he "kissed and groped" his new partner in front of everyone.

"We were heartbroken. It was simply rubbed on the face. "

Catherine's relationship with her stepmum reached Breaking Point , when she was 15. It was father's day and they had a fight.

"I sat on The Bed and I remember you said to me, 'well, I'm your new Mama now'.

"I Lost him, as it is The Most shocking, what do you say to someone who has just Lost her mom, because obviously, you are irreplaceable. "

her childhood house was then sold, and your dog is not given away, as her stepmum wanted him. Your father bought a new house, but Catherine was not invited".

"There was a time where I really know where I was going To Live ," she says.

Catherine got with the wrong group of people, and began to drink and take drugs.

"From The Moment my father met A Woman , we were just going through. It was not just Parental Guidance . "

The teenager was finally told That they could return, and she accepted the offer gladly, because she was in "limited opportunities".

"you feel like you are, you cling to other families, and the people are friendly, but you always feel like the fifth.

"Before my mother we were died all as A Family , everything was a feast.

"And literally, when my mom died, it was a completely different Life . and from That time on, we have done what we had to do to survive, and That would be for me to spend as much Time Out of The House as possible. "

Catherine left her family when she went to the University.

The 18-year-old had almost no contact with her father for The Next Six Years , when she got the news That he cancer would also.

she visited him a few times before he died six months later. She says she read the regret on him during their last hours together.

"I think he knew exactly What Happened and he regretted it massively. "

Catherine, who has been married for two years, says her experiences of the person she is now, in.

"I think I'm pretty strong and independent, but I think The Thing I struggle with most is feeling like I don't have A Family . "

'What about me?' Vanessa Lost her father at the Age Of 14

"from the Age Of 20 I had no parental input. It has left me with self-esteem issues, so I picked up a couple of, That any man who was willing to be with me in any way, without actually thinking, 'what I need from him?' I think I was trying to replace what I had Lost - A Family . "

Vanessa was always very close to her father, but he killed himself when she was 14.

"I had an idyllic first 11 years with my mom and dad and Older Sister , a dog in The Family , and we lived in a beautiful house in Oxford, and all was well," recalls Vanessa.

But All That changed After Her father started going out the death of their mother.

"I was absolutely fine, I felt a little neglected. I had somehow managed to put aside, who would have me for The Night ," Vanessa.

she turned to drink and drugs, something she thinks is quite common for grieving Young People in a "Life -affirming way".

"If the risky things That make you feel Alive and do That , but they also say 'death to come and get me'," she said.

her mother found a new partner-a few years later, at which point it "was not a time with me, she was too busy to do their own "thing".

"I don't think I'm angry; a part of me felt relieved, she knew, a lot of attention, because I would like to have the freedom to do what I wanted.

"is Indignant is The Right word, because I thought: 'What about me?'"

she says her children "was The Best thing in My Life "

Vanessa is 19 and a student was diagnosed in Aberdeen with her mother, a type of bone marrow cancer. Vanessa returned to Oxford to help her, but her mother only lived for Another Year .

The 56-year-old, says you happy your mother is making A Life for themselves after their father's death, but with her around it would have "absolutely things have changed".

"she was disturbed, but she was not Present - That was the Problem. "

Vanessa, who says already been through three failed marriages, she feels her parents do not deliberately let you down, but, nevertheless, The Feeling That you been left.

"I find it hard to value themselves, says out of a sense of abandonment," The Mother of the two.

"It's been a funny old journey, but I'm fine. The old adage: "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger", I think part of it is true.

"I'm a tryer, I'm not giving up. "

", Keep The Dead parents 'memory Alive " - a therapist-insight

Dr. Reenee Singh, CEO of says, there are a lot of examples, step-parents do a wonderful job.

But it is recommended That the surviving parent will take the time, prior to the start of a new relationship.

"If a child does not know what is happening and suddenly finds himself in a completely new situation, which can really be harmful for a child's mental. "

Build a New Life is a "complex" task for all involved, for clinical practitioners says.

"this is The Dilemma of how a new couple can make, the own identity and a new family, and at the same time, The Dead parents to keep the memory Alive in The Right way. "

Dr. Singh points out That a child may be resentful toward the surviving parent, if you feel like you are "too Caught Up with your new family."

she said it would be "very helpful" for the development of the surviving child and spouse to maintain a relationship with The Family of The Deceased parent, but she pointed out That the new partner is shy can to help, as you "want to distance themselves from the ghosts of The Past ".

"The new partner should be able to thrive these links to you without feeling threatened terribly or overly possessive about the widowed parents," says Dr. Singh.

", He turned to drink, any night'

"When they got married, everything changed. We rarely saw my father, as you have your Life Together . He also said That he may be able to, To My studies. "

Leila was 19 when her mother died of breast cancer after 10 Years of on-and-off treatment.

"My father says it all," Leila , as you are required to detail The Level of care for your mother.

"After he was sick for so long and in such pain at The End , it was almost a relief when she died. I went Back To uni, and for me, Life has returned to normal," Leila .

her father remained At Home , looking after the 16-year-old sister, but Leila was always independent and often With Friends to go out.

"He turned to drink, every night and would say things like, he would say the way to the supermarket for a company," Leila .

according to the met But her father, A Woman , the soon and married within a year.

Leila describes her stepmum as the "complete opposite" to her mother.

Leila could have hit your mother, your children

tell your dad and stepmum, they "love" their children, but involvement of the "little" in your Life .

oxford, bereavement, family, parenting, aberdeen

Source of news: bbc.com